Posts: 649
Since: 21/5/2005
Status: offline
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Marriage...
The job read like a dream,
Wanted, young man with the innocence of youth and the desire to create a dynasty!
I applied, it was explained to me that my freedoms would be curtailed but in return I would receive love and support but the hours would be long.
I replied, that I was willing to give it a go and that there were only 24 hours in any day and although the hours seemed daunting the love and support would hold me up in the bad times.
Besides, I needed a house keeper and freedom is mostly in the mind anyway.
This was the answer that they were looking for.
I got the job.
I asked if there was anything else that I needed to know before embarking on this adventure and the reply was that knowing nothing was an advantage.
I left feeling elated, day-dreamed of evenings filled with scented nights of passion and lust, waking to the sight and sound of the one I loved.
But it was all too easy, I realised too late that I was accepted not for my wit or charm but simply for my availability, the previous ensnared victim having escaped by the skin of his teeth in an almost death dealing run for the door.
Very soon it was obvious that the curtailing of my freedoms had no reward other than having more money available for my belove-d to buy shoes and dresses of dubious taste.
As to the 'Love and Support' well, that just turned out to be a ruse to befuddle the brain of a man whose sex-life as a bachelor fell a little bit short of the great expectations the TV and media conjured up all around him.
Frankly, there was very f***ing little f***ing going on.
The hours? That was another deceit, it seems that Marriage was just another way to get 'round the restricted hours directive.
I left.
I knew it was gonna cost me.
It didn't realise just how much though.
But before I walked I scissor-d every picture of her, tore up her dresses of dubious taste, and her impossibly structured shoes were fed to her mangy, flea-bitten and half-blind Jack Russell that had somehow against my will become part of our household and was the cause of many an aborted moments of 'Love and Support'
I bought a lipstick red spray paint and wrote every uncharitable thing I could think of about her on her car, the lawn, the house and any part of the street that the [by then] irate neighbours had not wrestled me to the ground on.
One last thing I did as an act of kindness, after the dog had chewed through the confections that were her shoes i shot the damned thing and put it out of my misery.
I drove off in the car, didn't look back.
Bloody did it again 3 years later!
[Extract, from my forthcoming book... My life... be-f***ed]
Only kidding kids... best of luck!
< Message edited by V_Bird -- 12/6/2007 16:16:25 >
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Pineapple on Pizza... straight estate! Might as well have a shopping trolly in the front garden and a sofa on the footpath awaiting collection by the Council.
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but please please can the lady get of the bonnet of your maser 
